Will we ever forget those warm, fuzzy, feel good moments that erupted across America on Tuesday November 4th? Hopefully not. The moment Barack Obama was elected President the country, indeed the world, breathed a collected sigh of relief and then rejoiced in the hope of better things to come. However, standing on pins and needles returned quickly for some. Controversy immediately erupted with the announcement that the new First Family would be selecting a First Puppy.
Questions about potential pooches parlayed among the pundits. Which dog breed would be right for the President Elect's family became the topic de jour among reporters floundering to fill airtime now that the election is over. Shamefully, I heard no one suggest this. Would the Obama's adopt from a shelter? Will Oprah Winfrey withdrawal her backing of Obama if he purchases a puppy mill/pet store dog? Would the country have a new First Mutt? Yes indeed, divisiveness has already lifted its leg on the incoming administration.
Early Thursday an anonymous source leaked the new administrations plans to put off the selection of the countries Primary Pooch until spring 2009. Why? Experts speculate that President Obama may want to bring home National Guard troops from Iraq, to help protect the Rose Garden. It doesn't sound much worse than using our soldiers to fight for oil company profits, does it? Viva la Miracle Grow! Others believe that Sixteen Hundred Pennsylvania Avenue is quite possibly the last Pet-Friendly rental left in United States.
Meanwhile packs of lobbyist for the AKC and the countries various Purebred Dog Breeders are ascending upon the streets of South Chicago. A standard poodle representative was spotted trying to hurl himself over the playground fence at the Obama girl's school. Not to be outdone, a toy poodle rep was seen tossing herself over the door threshold at Michelle Obama's beauty salon. Pit bull lobbyists retreated when they realized they had forgotten their lipstick back at their hotel.
In the spirit of new hope some breed reps voluntarily stayed away. West Highland Terrier lobbyists were forced to acknowledge that when Bush and Cheney leave Washington the country will need a break from that much mischief and sneakiness in the Oval Office. Meanwhile Whoopi Goldberg's cat wrote an open letter to the President Elect suggesting a feline friend for the First Fam. Elizabeth Hasselbeck had no comment.
More enterprising dog breeders proposes a new designer dog. Watch for an Obamapoo coming to a store near you.
In order to protect and serve the carpets and furniture legs of the historic White House both the Secret Service and Homeland Security were asked to run preemptive background checks on the Word's Top Dog Trainers. Phones of Patricia McCormick and Ian Dunbar's were immediately tapped under the Patriot Acts, subsection 1.2.98.5, page 22,879, paragraph A12 dealing with terrier terrorists and canine coconspirators. No tennis ball shall be left unturned.
Ultimately, the job was outsourced. After the careful evaluation of training techniques, British Dog Trainer Victoria Stilwell has been nominated for the position of First Dog Trainer. Cesar Millan has been nominated for a position on the FBI's Ten Most Wanted List.
Preparations for the First Puppy's arrival are becoming a national event. Outside the White House a makeshift donation box is being stuffed full of supplies. Shop Vac® filters are stacking up everywhere. In addition Alaska Senator Ted Stevens has donated an extra dozen or so Dyson® Vacuums he found just laying around his home. Please note: barrels of Carpet Fresh® are to be delivered to the side entrance, just past the freshly repainted fire hydrant. All this before the political pooch has probably even been conceived, in the biblical® sense.
There is one issue the Obamas may not have considered. In 2012, if the President looses his bid for reelection, he would not be able to move back to his home state of Hawaii without subjecting his dog to quarantine procedures. Dogs can't just be taken anywhere you know. After all he's not Paris Hilton. On a related note: former Vice Presidential Candidate Sahara Palin announced today that now that she owns a passport she will be visiting Hawaii and possibly even New Mexico.
That returns us to the issue of where the new leader of the Free Dog World will actually be adopted from. We all know when a dog is popular in the media there is a global run on that breed of dog. Just ask the ten-thousand-and-one Dalmatians who wound up in shelters during the 1990s. Now imagine this scenario in reverse. Imagine the Obamas adopting a puppy from an animal rescue. Perhaps a mixed-breed or handicapped pup could mark the hallowed halls of Washington, DC.
What would happen if Americans followed this example and drained the supply of shelter dogs in our country? Isn't that better than contributing to the problem over-breeding? Glory, glory halleluiah! Yes, Mr. Obama it is time for Change. Change pet adoption attitudes. You are our new leader! Lead us to our local Humane Societies!
Perhaps in the spirit of bipartisanship you could reach across the shelter isles and adopt both a Golden Retriever from a pure bred rescue and a three-legged, diabetic, slightly narcoleptic First Mutt from your local shelter.
Saving five million lives with one simple act of kindness, now that's leadership I can believe in!
Nola Lee Kelsey is the author of the new book Dogs: Funny Side Up!, available everywhere fun books are sold. For a limited time only readers may receive a free Adobe ebook versions of Dogs: Funny Side Up! by emailing FreeBooks@DogsEyeViewMedia.com Visit http://www.DogsEyeViewMedia.com for more details. Learn more about Kelsey at http://www.NolaKelsey.com |
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